im really very right now at this moment.

i don feel like talking to anyone except blogging abt it.

i wanted to let go of all my once upon a time memories but i cant seem to let them go.

they are sticked to my brain. i cant seem to stop thinking abt all of these.

im really very down right now.

all of a sudden i rmbed my pet dog, how he always bark at night and wake me up from my sweet dreams, how he always accompany me when i sleep and even shower and study!

how i always feed him and how i always wanted more money so i could buy his fav food for him. i still see food i bought for him before i go OBM! i was telling myself i must feed teddy with the nicest food before i go off for 10days.

when i finally came back sgp, he's no longer ard. no more. no barkings no licking no growling no him! :(

to be exact i cried for 2months. everyday. i will think of him and cry. how i didnt spend alot of time with him and how i always said i will bring him out of a walk and never

i really hope i can turn back time. i wouldnt have gone to malaysia for camp. i should have spend more time with teddy.

I MISS TEDDY!! my beloved ah boy! he once was my everything! i lost this loyal companion of mine.

he's really my everything. without him, i cant seem to do anything well. i just hope he will be back.:(

another one, came and go too.

kris! he was once my listener, cared for me so much. i depended on him alot. even the day before my o level amaths. he was teaching me over the phone. tt's how much he cared. fyi, he taught me till 2am.

everything, he will be there for me. he will make sure im on the right track. always telling me what's right and what's wrong. always teaching me.

and he silently left.

I HATE SILENCE GOODBYES! and those arent even counted as goodbyes.

im feeling retardly emoo now. seriously!

i feel like dying and choking myself.

luckily no one knows my this pb except dabian!

shes not online anyway, so byes. i really need to cry all out!

i hate silence goodbbyes. i hate it

i dono luhh. seriously, sometimes they treat me so good. sometimes they treat me like nothing.
how to react to sucha thing?
i dono luhh.
eliz told me these kinda "conflicts" always happen in church. really?
i always thot my church is special and unique in a way or another.
yea. it is. always is.
just me.
u know wat? i really thot of punishing myself by drinking drunk and forget all abt all of u!
at least i wont feel so sad when no one cares.
i feel more sad when u all don care abt me than when the person i like ignores me.
seriously.
am i gg to skip camp?
bt if mummy found out, she will be dead angry!
bt i wna go for end times! RAHH!
should i continue my plan for party?
bt i really don wan my leaders to be disappointed with me.
neither do i wan pam to be disappointed.
aiya!
should i lie to them tt i didnt go bt i went? no i should not.
i should not lie.
HOW HOW HOW HOW HOW HOW HOW~
ppl who are growing will keep growing.
ppl who are lagged behind will never catch up and keep falling down and down.
what to do? this is life.
ppl will concentrate on those ppl who are growing instead of those who are being lagged behind.
stupid!
i hate myself secretly!

tell me all of these arent happening!

im actually turning back to private blog.

ok whatever it is. im missing him like crazy.

and all these are driving me MAD!

and for the very fact that im not a leader. ppl tend to......................

ok so whatever it is. i gotta stop. think

reflect.

i seriously want him BACK desperately...